Sunlight Falls
by cherrydust
Summary: How to best explain this? Watari is Tatsumi's light. Watari is afraid to fall. And then 003 plays some indirect matchmaking. [Shounen-ai, Tatsumi x Watari]


Sunlight Falls

_Why they call it falling  
I don't know…_

_Sooner or later   
You have to come down._

_            LeAnn Womack, 'Why They Call It Falling'_

_Here comes the sun, here comes the sun_

_and I say it's all right_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes..._

_            The Beatles, 'Here Comes the Sun'_

            A soft sigh left a warm pair of lips as Watari glanced out the window besides his worktable and slowly, turned away from his work and leaned against the cool glass of the window, his forehead resting against it and one hand lightly supporting his weight. He sighed deeply and a veil of condensation appeared beneath his lips as he gazed out at the gray, wet day. "I don't understand," he murmured softly, watching the raindrops trickle from the leaves of the trees surrounding the building, the zigzag of the drops on the window he was resting against, and the slowly forming puddles as the rain splashed down to the ground, "how can a place where cherry blossoms bloom year round can have such miserable weather?"

            Sighing again, he remained at the window for a long moment, watching the way the wind tossed the branches of trees about, scattering loose blossoms about the grounds. And then he saw, his eyes focused intently on what was happening outside, a man burst through a sudden barrier of cherry blossoms, his suit-clad form brushing away the bothersome blossoms. Golden-brown eyes lit up and a soft smile curved over pink lips as he watched the man struggle through the rain and cherry blossoms that seemed intent on blocking his pathway to the building. His smile widened and at that instant, the man looked up to lock his eyes on Watari's, dark blue eyes surprised to find a golden-brown pair waiting for them. Tatsumi gives a quick, small smile for Watari before breaking eye contact and hurrying forward and up the steps to the entrance.

            Watari felt the excitement and hope that had sprung up inside of him ebb away, turning away dejectedly from the window and frowning at the notes and test tubes screaming to be worked on again on his worktable. His eyes closed and he lifted one hand to massage at his temples. A soft groan left his lips as he clutched the edge of the table tightly with his hands, leaning forward and resting all his weight on his forearms, his eyes still tightly closed. "I don't think I can take much more of this," he breathed out hoarsely, clutching the table hard enough his knuckles turned white. "It's been nearly a *decade*…and still…" Watari sighed and shook his head, opening his eyes and straightening up, leaving the thought unfinished. "Idiot," he whispered to himself, picking up a handful of notes and adjusting his glasses determinedly. "You know it's never going to change. Never."

            And with that statement, Watari gave himself a good mental shake, sat down at his worktable and commenced to writing more notes and mixing more chemicals than was probably good for him, telling himself quite firmly with each mix or word written that there was no way he was going to let himself fall.

            Because hurts to fall.

            Because when you fall, there is only so far you can go before you hit the bottom, the end.

            And it hurts when you've reached the end.

#@#@#@

            Tatsumi sighed heavily as he finally made his way into his office, pausing in the middle of the room and gazing around the familiar surroundings while taking in long, deep breaths, trying to steady his pounding heart that wasn't pounding with only the exercise of running. Still breathing deeply, Tatsumi lifted his hand to flick away several cherry blossoms that had settled in the shining dark strands and to ruefully ruffle the strands in hopes the friction would dry his hair a little. As his hand slipped away from the now-mussed locks of hair, Tatsumi took one last long, deep breath trying to forget the unexpected image of Watari in the window.

            Groaning softly, Tatsumi crossed the room and sank into his chair, slapping down the files he'd gone home to retrieve onto his desk. Despite his pretexts of work, Tatsumi found he could not entirely dispel the image of Watari that was lurking in the back of his mind. The brightness of his smile and the light in those warm brown eyes had only been further enhanced by their gray surroundings and when Tatsumi had glanced up…it had been like seeing a sudden burst of vibrant sunshine cutting through the darkness of the day.

            Sunshine. Yes. That was what Watari seemed like to Tatsumi. A bright, cheery smile; warm brown eyes, the color of honey, Tatsumi decided now that he thought of it; a wild array of golden hair, silken strands tumbling every which way and giving him that puzzled, slightly disorganized look that brought smiles to the faces of everyone around him when he bounced into a room, ready and willing to talk with everyone about anything; and his vibrant, bright personality. A ray of sunshine. That's what Watari was in this dark, gray profession.

            Tatsumi sighed, shaking his head sharply. He shouldn't be dwelling on thoughts like this. He shouldn't let himself indulge in thoughts about anything other than work at all. After all…he'd done it with Tsuzuki. Tatsumi's throat tightened at the still tender memory as he recalled his brief, dark affair with Tsuzuki. The ghosts of their pasts had been determined to catch up with them and nothing Tatsumi had done could rouse Tsuzuki from his own self-loathing and depression. And in his own turn, Tsuzuki had been unable to cheer Tatsumi whenever he'd succumbed to the nightmares his own past had brought. [1] And in the end…their inability to see light had destroyed their relationship.

            But now…Watari was like light for Tatsumi. Bright, cheerful, warm, inviting light Tatsumi desperately wanted to reach out and embrace. He wanted to gather it close to him, keep it with him always, let it help him break free of the shadows that still surrounded him.

            But…no.

            He wasn't going to allow himself to become involved with anyone. Not now. Not ever. It hurt too much. And he didn't want to watch someone else crumble before his desperate, helpless eyes. He didn't want to watch the light that was Watari flicker and die under his own clumsy affections.

            No. No. No!

            Tatsumi sighed as he picked up the files he was supposed to be working on. There would be no relationships beyond necessary communications ever again. He knew himself. And he knew it would break more than his heart if he ever heard those words again.

            "Tatsumi…oh God, this is so hard to say…Tatsumi, I'm…I'm leaving. I can't live like this anymore. Tatsumi…good-bye."

            Good-bye.

            No. Never again.

#@#@#@

            The rain was coming down harder than ever, Watari reflected, glancing up to see rain falling in sheets outside his window. With some slight surprise, he saw that it was dark outside, pitch-black. Raising an eyebrow, he lifted his wrist and tilted it towards him, wondering a loud, "What time *is* it? Oh…" a sheepish smile formed on his lips as he announced the time to the owl flapping her wings wildly above his head. "It's nine o'clock, 003. We should be home by now." The owl fluttered down to rest on his shoulder and gave a soft coo that seemed to be scolding him for his complete inobservance of time and it's passing. A tiny vibration passed through the owl as she continued cooing at him and Watari reached up and lifted her from his shoulder to hold her in front of his face, eye-level with him as she made several unhappy noises. "Poor thing. Are you hungry?"

            A flap of the wings seemed to signify a yes and Watari smiled softly at the owl, lifting his other hand to stroke her soft feathers gently. "You're a good friend, 003, to sit around here, keeping me company hours after your suppertime. My best friend," he added after a brief moment of thought, still smiling at the tiny owl. The owl bobbed her head as though agreeing and Watari laughed briefly. "The best partner and friend a man ever had," he declared, holding his hand away from him and giving the bird a tiny toss to set her off into the air. 003 soared above his head briefly, but came back down to give him a gentle coo and tiny nip on the finger before flying off again, presumably in search of something to eat.

            Watari chuckled softly to himself, watching as the owl disappeared through the slightly open door. "Even 003 feels sorry for me," he said, a bit of dry irony trickling through his normally cheerful tone. Glancing down at his still unfinished of work, he added, "*I* feel sorry for me. I'm hungry too!" Running a hand through his wayward locks, Watari sighed and pushed his glasses back up to rest more comfortably on the bridge of his nose. "I'll finish this later," he announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to the staff room and seeing if there's anything to eat and if there's some coffee. I'm going to be here all night again." He grimaced at his notes and after a quick surveillance of the laboratory, decided cleaning could wait yet another day and headed quickly out the door, the low rumbling in his stomach quickening his pace.

#@#@#@

            Tatsumi sighed, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands, biting back another yawn. He really had to stop staying so late…but then, there was nothing waiting for him at home except for some cold leftover noodles and yesterday's paper. It made much more sense to stay here and get some work done. At least then he felt as though he were doing something worthwhile instead of sitting at home, feeling slightly depressed and more than faintly disgusted by his lack of culinary abilities. You'd think that now he was dead, he'd have the time to develop some fairly adequate cooking skills.

            At least he was more culinary-inclined than Tsuzuki.

            Tatsumi smiled faintly at the thought, the idea of *any* one being a worse cook than Tsuzuki was preposterous one. His attention was quickly drawn away from cooking by the quiet fluttering of wings in his doorway accompanied by a gentle hoot. "003?" Tatsumi glanced up quickly to see the small bird heading straight for his desk and settle herself on top of his papers and make herself comfortable. "What're *you* still doing here?" he asked softly, his normally stern eyes soft as he gazed at the owl. "Watari-san didn't *leave* you, did he?" the though was surprisingly unsettling to Tatsumi. Absent-minded as Watari may be, Tatsumi knew very well he would never forget about the little owl and leave her behind. Blue eyes grew gentle behind glasses as Tatsumi added, "Is Watari still here?"

            003 hooted agreeably and took a few fluttering steps to rest on the palm of Tatsumi's hand. The secretary watched with interest as the tiny owl proceeded to inch her way up his arm, clutching the fabric of his suit determinedly in her feet as she made her way up to his shoulder. Once there, she let out a soft sound of contentment and nipped affectionately at the stray strands of hair resting around his ear. Tatsumi made a chiding sound and shifted his weight softly so he could gaze at the bird out of the corner of his eye. "What are you doing?" Tatsumi asked. 003 gave a soft cooing noise and Tatsumi sighed, standing up as he did so. "Very well. We'll go find Watari-san."

            003 chirped brightly into his ear and in spite of himself, Tatsumi felt a smile cross his lips. 003 was very sociable after all, maybe he should go find a friendly little owl for himself. Anything was better than being alone for decades on end. The thought had a sobering effect on Tatsumi and his smile disappeared as he headed towards Watari's lab. 003 made an indignant sound as she recognized the familiar path and flew off of Tatsumi's shoulder in distress. "Hm? Am I going the wrong way?" Tatsumi inquired and grimaced as a sudden thought struck him. "I'm discussing directions with an *owl*."

            003 gave him a look that seemed to be more of a smirk than anything else and abruptly took off in the opposite direction, her tiny wings carrying her faster than Tatsumi had thought possible. Sighing, he turned on his heel and followed her at a fast-paced walk that was almost a run. 003 seemed to find this a fun game and picked up her pace, forcing Tatsumi to pick up his until he was running after the bird, heavily aware of the fact he was looking more undignified by the moment and that 003 was probably leading him on a wild goose chase.

            But it felt good to let go and run like this.

            And slowly, Tatsumi felt his smile return.

#@#@#@

            "Huh?" Watari looked up from the coffee he was carefully measuring into the coffee machine and frowned. It sounded like someone was *running*…but who would be in the building, let alone *running* at night. Even Tsuzuki didn't tear around the building like that – even when he was running fueled on pure sugar.

            Watari sighed, setting down the can of coffee beans and heading towards the door, determined to go stop this at once. Some newly arrived kid had probably snuck out of the hospital wing and was using this time when supposedly no one was around to work off energy. Not that he could blame them, but if anything got broken it'd be taken out of his salary and already Watari had lost nearly half this month's pay in paying for scientific explosions.

            But he wasn't expecting the door to be flung open and Tatsumi to come to a skidding halt as 003 flew in ahead of him, her wings nearly a blur. Watari felt his jaw drop a few notches before murmuring softly, "Well *damn*!"

            Something akin to a blush spread over Tatsumi's features as he managed to say in his most dignified voice, "Good evening, Watari-san." Watari could only shake his head in amazement and in a slightly more fanatic tone, Tatsumi rushed on to explain, "You seem to have caught me at a most undignified moment," he said quickly, trying to sound cool and collected while at the same time wondering how much damage had just been done to his reputation.

            But Watari wasn't staring with wide eyes at Tatsumi because he had been acting like a child. He was staring at Tatsumi because he had never seen Tatsumi look so…good…before. The dark strands were mussed and falling haphazardly about his blushing face and the glasses seemed to have been snatched off during his run, because they were clutched firmly in one hand. Watari's gaze slowly traveled from the glasses and back up his body to fasten on Tatsumi's face. Tatsumi had apparently finished his explanation and was looking at Watari for approval. "I…uh…er…" Watari stumbled out, his own face flushing slightly as he realized what he'd just said. "Um, I mean…ah…oh, never mind," Watari ended, hanging his head miserably. "I'm confused."

            Tatsumi's blush deepened and he said softly, "I'm really very formal, aren't I?"

            "No! No…ah, well yeah, kinda…"

            Tatsumi nodded gravely. "I thought so." He sighed and pulled out a folding chair from the card table sitting in the middle of the staff room and sat down. Stretching his hands out before him, he studied their clasped form, saying quietly, "I'm not good with people. I'm not even very good with myself." He gave a short laugh and went on, "I probably frightened you, running like that. I think I frightened myself…I haven't run for pure exercise or recreation for…decades."

            Watari gave the somber man a critical look before sitting down across the table from him and asking hesitantly. "Why are you telling me this?"

            A glimmer of a smile showed around the corners of Tatsumi's mouth as he looked up and said quietly, "Because you're my sunshine."

            "What?" Watari asked, his eyes quizzical as Tatsumi slowly stood up and walked around the table to silently pull the other man out of his seat. "Ta-Tatsumi?" Watari asked weakly as the secretary reached up and matter-of-factly, almost indifferently removed Watari's glasses, folding them neatly and setting them carefully down on the table. "What…are…you doing?" Watari asked slowly, his eyes darting up from his glasses to Tatsumi's eyes.

            "Forgive me," Tatsumi said quietly and without further warning, lifted Watari's chin and pressed a warm, firm kiss to the other man's lips.

#@#@#@

            Watari shifted under the sudden, but not unwelcome intrusion on his lips and after a brief adjusting period, closed his eyes and pushed all his doubts and concerns to the corner of his mind, lifting his arms and wrapping them around Tatsumi, pulling the brunette closer. The kiss remained soft and gentle, almost inquisitive even as the their arms found their way around the other's body to pull one another closer together and it was with a soft sigh of disappointment, Tatsumi gently pulled away from Watari. Watari's eyes remained closed for a brief moment, a tiny happy smile playing on his features. Tatsumi coughed nervously and made to move away from Watari, but the blonde man reached out and rested a light hand on Tatsumi, his eyes still closed. Tatsumi paused at the sudden weight on his arm and presently, Watari said, "I forgive you."

            "Watari…I…" Tatsumi struggled for the words to explain his actions and lifted his hands helplessly, watching them fall uselessly to his side as he murmured softly, "I…I haven't got any explanation."

            "Other than that you find me undeniably attractive at my babbling, idiotic best?" Watari asked playfully, his eyes opening. He smiled widely at Tatsumi, but the grin faded a few notches as he took note of the serious manner of the other man. Gently, he touched Tatsumi's shoulder and said soothingly, "Hey, I don't mind. It's not like I've never been kissed before." There was a brief moment and Watari added, "But it *was* the first time anyone's asked me to forgive them. Or told me I was sunshine. Tatsumi?"

            Tatsumi sighed as his intentions were asked curiously in the form of his name. "Watari…it's so dark. And cold," he tried to explain in a clumsy, halting manner. "Nothing is happy here. Or cheerful or warm or even smiling. For all that Tsuzuki tries, he can't pull it off because of the past that has a tight grip on him. He can't shake that grip. I can't shake mine, no one can. But you…you were happy from the first moment you came. You burst into the meeting room later even than Tsuzuki and with a wide smile as you explained you'd been making new friends. That's exactly what you said, making new friends. And you made everyone smile…and for the first time, Watari, since my death…Meifu felt…lighter somehow. Warmer, friendlier. Like there really *was* life after death, not just a mere existence. And it didn't stop, this happy, genki, smiling ray of light you were. It wasn't a mask like Tsuzuki's…you were…are…so *happy*. And it made everyone…me…happier. Everything about you is so much…warmer. Vibrant. Happier. And Watari…to me you became like the sun, shining it's light into even the darkest, most despondent corners."

            "Tatsumi…I…" Watari's voice trailed off as he stared with wide eyes at the man who was telling all this to him, looking as though it pained him. "I'm not…I'm just…"

            "Watari." Tatsumi turned to him and saying in a raspy, broken voice, "I think I've become like a plant of sorts. I *need* this sunlight to survive…I…" his voice trailed off once more and he sighed heavily. "But it's no matter now. I must return to work."

            "No!" Watari's voice rang out louder than he intended and Tatsumi paused, his back still to Watari. The blonde man reached out and angrily grasped the other man's wrists, pulling him back towards him with a frustrated action. "Don't you *dare* walk out of here and pretend like none of this ever happened! You don't tell someone how wonderful you think they are, how you *need* them and leave! You just don't do that!" Tatsumi turned to see amber eyes glowing with slight anger, confusion, and above all…hope. Hope? What could he be hoping for, Tatsumi wondered as Watari's eyes searched his own for *something*.

            "I love you."

            "What."

            "Damn it, I *love* you," Watari cried, reaching up and taking Tatsumi by the shoulders, turning the slightly taller man towards him and frowning fiercely up at him. "I love you and I'm scared. I'm so afraid to fall in love because once you start falling, there's only so far you can go until you stop, you hit the bottom. And then it hurts *so* bad to stop. And it hurts even more to get up again .I didn't want to fall, but you made me, and you love me too, I know you do! Say it!" Watari ordered, his face flushing faintly with anger and a certain desperate note rang in his voice as he commanded again, "Say it! Please!"

            Tatsumi gazed down at the angry man, watching as warm pink lips parted to make another edict. "Shh," he whispered suddenly, reaching up and pressing one long, slender forefinger to Watari's lips. "It's all right now. I love you."

            The angry light in Watari's eyes died as quickly as it had arisen and was quickly replaced by an ecstatic, almost unbelieving light as the scientist's arms wrapped around Tatsumi. Slowly, Tatsumi's arms made their way around Watari's smaller form, feeling the amber-eyed man against him with a sense of wonderment. His lips drifted across the shining strands of blond hair and Watari lifted his head away from where it had been resting on Tatsumi's shoulder to receive a more satisfactory kiss.

            This kiss was more intense and Watari let out a disappointed sigh as Tatsumi tried to pull away, reaching and gently drawing Tatsumi's lips back down towards his, plaintively teasing Tatsumi's lips with his tongue. A sense of wonderment around him, Tatsumi obligingly parted his lips and felt Watari's tongue softly seeking his own. There was a long moment as the two explored one another's mouth, hands slowly moving from firm clasps around a waist and a neck to hesitantly glide over other aspects of the body.

            It was with a soft groan Tatsumi forced the kiss to end, pulling himself away from Watari and silencing his protests with a gentle finger against his lips. "Watari…I…"

            "What is it," Watari asked softly, watching with an affectionate sort of amusement shining in his eyes as Tatsumi tried unsuccessfully to explain something to him.

            "I'm stupid when it comes to matters of the heart," Tatsumi said finally. "I'm stupid and clumsy about emotions. But Watari…I'm happy now. Thank you." Tatsumi's eyes were overflowing with the emotions he had tumbling about inside him now and all he could say was: "Thank you."

            "Tatsumi…don't thank me," Watari replied gently, shaking his head and gesturing one hand as though to push the offerings of thanks away from him and back to Tatsumi. "I haven't done anything except love you. And that…that isn't something you thank someone for. That's something…something you…it's something you cherish," Watari finished lamely, uncertain of whether or not he'd made sense or sounded even remotely intelligent.

            "Cherish," Tatsumi repeated faintly and tilted his head slightly to drop a light kiss on Watari's lips. "Very well then. I cherish you."

            Watari gave a short, shaky laugh and said unevenly; "Don't tease. It's not funny."

            "I'm not teasing!" Tatsumi protested. Watari only shook his head at him and it was with a soft sigh of pure exalted happiness, Tatsumi suddenly gathered Watari to him and held him tightly, his face burying into the golden waves of hair as he clung tightly to his light, feeling the warmth that was Watari and Watari's love flood throughout him, warming his body and soul for the first time in his life…and afterlife.

            Neither of the pair noticed a small owl flap proudly out of the open door, a look of self-congratulatory pride on her face.

::End::

[1] I'm not clear on Tatsumi's past…nobody I've talked to is. X.x  All I've seen is that he didn't have a happy past…if anyone knows any details on his past, I'd be grateful to hear them! ^^;; And even if you don't know any details on his past, there's no reason you shouldn't comment on the fic! You want to, you just don't know it yet! ^_^


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